In less than 21 hours, I get Regentesque or die. (Haha get it? Get rich or die tryin’, but then Fangy.) Pretty tense.

I also have the flu / have a fever, which makes this situation even more “staying in bed for the remaining 21 hours”. Being fashionably late at my own party is an absolute no-go, so 21 hours on the niss. Are you done packing, liefje? πŸ˜€ β™₯

For my spare ribs, I used the “spareribs met cola” recipe found on the Delhaize website. Still have 2 bottles of cola left from that traumatic birthday something. While preparing it, I added ground chillies and garlic to it. Es yayed. πŸ™‚

Meow I need some rest. Exactly now I feel sick. πŸ™ By the way, what’s the cure to the corona virus? Usually there’s like a cure in a few days or so. The cycle of disasters seems to become more severe with every repetition. What’s next? (V’day party –> WWIII lol jk lol jk lol jk)

No kusje because I don’t want to make you sick my liefjeee β™₯

xxx

P.S. I wanted to attend the lecture about my course in international stuff, today. But I feel awful. And it will be recorded. Are there recordings for every subject I have, this semester…? Es odd to stop thinking about the future because it all ends within the next 21 hours. But then again, I can’t see anything.

P.P.S. I feel so sick that I can’t even wear my bitje. πŸ™ Feels odd sleeping without that.

00:27 (12:27 AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpiyae

Good morning liefjeee β™₯

I hope you’ll pass/you’ve passed the test. πŸ™‚

Het is weer zover. πŸ™ Mag ik een soepje? Big jeetje meow ik heb geen soepgroenten. πŸ™

I should stop sleeping naked meow that’s like 80% of the cause of this. 10% is leaving the top of my jacket open because I was so happy to be wearing a turtleneck the other day. And the remaining 10% (in reality should be swapped with the 80) is from on edge foods and hand washing dishes, I think.

I literally can’t afford to throw away food. Coconut milk says “consume within 3 days” and I consume until empty. Broccoli of like 2 days ago had “fungi in its hair”, so I ate only the stem. I often take food out of the freezer and then fall asleep for too long. God when does it end. πŸ™

Haha meow exactly when there’s a party coming up, I get sick. That’s like prom in middle school. 3 years in a row, I got a fever exactly the day before prom. Haha not disco fever. πŸ™ Sick on the day of the event, I still attended. To get hyped with my friends and stare at my crush wearing a suit hehe. Does being sick now mean that it’s happening?

I hope so meoww I don’t want my life to end and I don’t want to be a bed petje anymore. Unless Tishe is accompanying me (then being bed petje is yays). πŸ˜€

Quite some months ago I stopped writing down the spontaneous verses I come up with inside the Inner Crown. But I wrote down the one of this morning, because I don’t want to forget it.

Never coming back
Like the escape after rumors
Ok boomer
Smirk for proletarian thangs
(Like) after good work you’ll kiss The Fangs
(No) one saying panties drop
Pedal on the gas
Fucking flamethrower cleaning this place is a mess

By the way, you can pass each other notes during Pure Silence. πŸ˜€ *wink wink*

I’ll be hoping someone will bring me a soepje. I feel like I need someone here watching over me. For it feels like if not, I might not even make it to before 9 PM tonight. I feel worse than on the proms, though, so maybe you’ll have to do this without me.

If camera people record it then I would be on top of the world to see my Fangyist children have a good time. Perhaps I could live hold a speech from my party bed. Not from my apartment bed meow this is a sad place.

I’d leave my door open for you, but I’m being haunted by Dutch collection agencies and people I’d rather not see, so leaving the door open will get me paranoid.

Best thing you can do to reach me – I big time recommend – is hack a text into my phone (and leave the rest of my data unharmed ofc). Just a heads up so that I know a little of what to expect and what instructions to follow. Like “Tishe will be at your door at 12.” Or “Which tie to wear for the event *shows options*?” I’ll be crossing my fingers for both.

Low budget costume, by the way, is using duct tape to spell “CREW” on a black shirt. πŸ™‚

What’s the healthiest thing I could eat right now? πŸ™ Spinach, potato et fish sticks. Though I’d rather have a soepje meow. Tishe, wil je me voeren? *heart eyes*

I’ll be making breakfast. Though I’d rather just be cuddled meow I can’t do anything.

A loving distance and no kusje because I don’t want you to get my fever/flu/id(f)k my liefjeee. β™₯

xxx

07:37 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpiyae

These are the notes the video was based on, by the way. πŸ™‚

I’ll be using half of my frutti di mare to make fish soup. So I don’t need anyone to bring me soup anymore. But a donation of a Tishe shirt to sleep in would be the utmost yayed. πŸ˜€

*blows kiss without literally blowing*

Ah I thought I had uploaded this update already, but I didn’t finish the time part at the bottom and hadn’t pressed “update”.

It smells amazinggg, as far as I’m able to. I’m in heaven. No pun intended.

Frutti di mare, potatoes, a carrot, white wine, vegetable stock, bay leaves, allspice (piment), lemon juice, oregano, basil, thyme, rosemary, chillies, Philadelphia, black pepper, nutmeg, a dash of garlic powder, dried celery and Aromat. πŸ˜€
Omg an international cookout would be yayed as well. I’m bringing soup, then… πŸ˜€ Soup 4 soup? If you were already at it, you can still bring it, of course. πŸ™‚

Eet smakelijk, liefjeee β™₯

xxx

09:33 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpiyae

Best soup I ever made. And I just finished watching the last episode of The Office. Minus the last couple of minutes because I can never relate when people sentimentally praise (proletarian) life.

If someone would ask me right now if I love life, I’d tell him/her “no”. Every day is the same to me. I try my best to make it enjoyable, but because I’m consciously doing all I can to make myself happy, I never am, because it doesn’t come naturally. Love is all I want. That’s all that can make me happy. For some reason only demons try to stay in my life, though.

I think the 8th will do. I’m going to go back to sleep. That will make time go faster and I feel terrible. I don’t want to live another day of this.
There’s some soup in the fridge, if you want.

xxx

10:57 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

If I survive and become paralyzed or handicapped in any other way, I insist you pull the plug and under NO circumstance let my legal (as in by law they are my) family take care of me.

xxx

11:30 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Anvers

Mijn liefje,

I wanted to leave you some soup, but I’m hungry again and have to be parsimonious with my foods, so I’m going to eat it. πŸ™

I wish I could give you something, but I can’t even give myself things. πŸ™

xxx

13:27 (01:27 PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

My glass container functioning as tea mug is the absolute yays. πŸ˜€

I really enjoy this moment. I love tea and I love my bed.

If this feeling would last, that could keep me here. But I know I’m fooling myself trying to convince me that I can go 7-8+ years like this.

With my concepts and websites, I’ve been trying to spark change. I try to cause an exoterm reaction, but this is all endoterm.

I try to carry out my vision with tag along projects. People see them, and that’s all. If they don’t want it, then I don’t want to be here. My projects are all I like.

The pain of all of the effort and convincement shown on my welcome pages, if it’s another endoterm and not exoterm phenomenon, will fill me with so much shame that I’d rather not show my face anywhere anymore. This is my last attempt.

If the world doesn’t change for the better, I have 0 regrets leaving it. Ambitious people work themselves to death trying to make a difference. But people are more interested in an overweight boy saying “You got cheese?” People have no taste. If I die, I won’t miss anything truly new.

I don’t know why I’m waiting until 9 PM. (I’m too used to the endoterm outcome.) But I am. Enjoying my tea.

I don’t do goodbye messages, by the way. Fuck all y’all ahahaha god damn. You make me want to die.

Mummify me and store me somewhere in Belgium. Not the Netherlands. Not Suriname.

xxx

14:33 (02:33 PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I really wonder how many bottles of champagne will be popped open when I’m gone.

& Though mummification is yay, I’ll take back my special request. I’m not really in a position for that. I’d however really appreciate it if my family will be kept from burying me. The thought of false words being spoken over my dead body gives me palpitations. I’d rather get the “no attendants” type of funeral, then.

I’m curious about what is after life. Less than 3 hours left. It depends more on what time I wake up from the last nap I will initiate when I end this post. I’ll eat the last bit of soup, then, and get dressed and stuff. Haha es quite severe that I don’t want to do this without my wig. I’ll try my best to leave an attractive corpse. And put my passport in my inside pocket, super easy to identify. If I fall on my back, chances are high that I’m doing this well.
My flu/fever is getting less, so that’s yays. πŸ™‚

xxx

18:27 (06:27 PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Even for this I overslept. I wish things were different. It hurts that we can’t be.

What concerns me is if hitting the ground will hurt. But I shouldn’t think about that and just let myself fly for once. This must be my fate.

I’ll be getting ready for my last roller coaster sensation. Thank you for listening.

Dag, mijn liefje. β™₯

xxx

22:57 (10:57 PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpen