Happy Easter Sunday, liefjeee ♥

When preparing for the worst, the outcome is never that bad. Being alone today does not emotionally affect me at all. *wipes away tears* Haha no, seriously though, the aches I felt being alone on my birthday, Christmas and New Year’s, I’m not feeling now. I guess I’m growing accustomed to this loneliness.

I had intentions of making myself a nice lunch. But left over spaghetti from last night was nice, too. 🙂 My bed is too cozy to leave. Maybe I’ll be making the lunch tomorrow. (And maybe not haha.)

How are you living through this day? Who would’ve ever thought, last year, that we would celebrate Easter in lockdown? (I bet those who created the corona virus did. (I don’t know if I’m joking or if it’s seriously true.))

Lil progress

While I was reading example sentences last night, I came across sentences I favorited earlier this year, because I considered them relatable. Now I was able to look at them from a more “eagle eye”-like perspective. I understand why they were once relatable, but not anymore.

The sentences all implied infliction of pain to myself. When I just started to distance myself from my social circle and psychiatry here in Belgium, I still heard their harsh words spook through my mind very often, impacting me in all kinds of ways. Then, I was still contemplating whether they were right or not. Meanwhile I’m certain they were very wrong and will not even consider someone’s words if they are hurtful/offensive.

This mostly because – and yes of course they and many others will disagree with this – I’m now convinced that my views are constructed thoughtful enough to not have to take criticism from anyone. I already criticize myself enough by default (thanks, youth). I’m getting closer to my state of apatheia. (But my loneliness is unnatural meow. 🙁 )

D.O.C.I.S. against Corona

Past objectives are swept off the table and D.O.C.I.S. International’s full focus is on contributing to the fight against COVID-19, the virus causing it and its economic effects. But after publishing my alternative policy related essays and launching a discussion platform, I don’t really know what else I can do. (Aside from taking the lead, of course, but – strangely enough haha – that’s not up to me.) I’m very concerned about how powerless I actually am in this fight, for my fate is still in the hands of people who only live for getting all power in the incompetent hands of the European elite.

They have no idea what they’re doing. They are seriously talking about creating a “green” exit strategy. Fam, start with drafting an exit strategy in general. There is no exit strategy in place at all right now, so why the fuck even mention “green”? By now we all know “green” just means greater expenses to more business/legal entities.  (Just kidding, we don’t. Because from kindergarten we are taught green is good.)

Back to talking NPCs

My idea of a real life NPC goes further than what I said about politics the other day. It’s like Unity, from Rick & Morty: a character that lives in multiple people. Combined with how Seneca – in reference to other philosophers – described crowd behavior as one person with the worst personality.

NPCs exist in all disciplines, in all social orders, in all levels of intelligence and in all income classes. Often, looks don’t reveal whether or not someone is NPC. ( = Unity.) They may have different beliefs, but they all swear by one way of living. Life is being born, going to school, working, retiring and dying. The non-conformist kind of NPCs may state that that routine of life is wrong, open to loudly voicing being “against”, but what is truly lived after is either a standard of living that is way worse or no change at all, just being against for the sake of being against, screaming away the memory of a bad childhood.

Non-NPCs are very used to conversing with NPCs, but every conversation with one often causes them to replace a part of themselves with NPC beliefs, because, like I said, NPCs treat non-NPCs like crazy people. Until the non-NPC becomes able to distinguish oneself from NPCs. (This in silence, otherwise likely NPC with feelings of superiority because of intelligence.)

Most of all, non-NPCs are capable of self-reflection to such an extent that nothing is indescribable. It’s about true consciousness. It’s odd to think some living people aren’t really conscious, but really when you ask them to speak from the heart, there’s nothing there (but some oneliners, in some cases).

The Unity-like character of NPCs has a shared survival instinct. They know they’re the world’s dead weight, but they fear death the most. (And they can’t or can barely read between my lines.)

Meow I should tackle my laundry, vacuum cleaning and dirty dishes. But if I get cozy enough it’s like it all doesn’t exist.


15:23 (03:23 PM) [CEST]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpiyae 


Meow it’s clear that my beta platform needs reform. I’m happy people are responding to my advertisements. But I see the overall concept of a debating platform seems to not be yayed. Maybe I should transform it into an alternative news website, The Opinionist. And I should make commenting open to non-members as well. But still, without an active support group, es nothing. (Meow I know the size of my url is not finger friendly, but I’m doing this with the lowest budget possible meow I need to eat from the same money.)

What I’m trying to do, however, is to facilitate the overall debate that is now being silenced. If, for example, someone places a xenophobic, “LBGTQ”-phobic or “religion-o-phobic” comment anywhere, that person should not be scolded by a large group of social justice warriors and deleted from the platform afterwards, because there is no lesson in that, for neither sides. If we don’t hold these debates, we will never move forward. We need to know where these views come from. People with “schizophrenic” views need to learn why they are wrong. The right view, the truth, will always land on its feet. So why ever silence someone?

Personal Long Term

Yes, meow. Before this global health crisis, I was saying that I’ll live through this year of university. Then at the end of the curriculum, my grades will be so low that I will be banned from the faculty. So, I said that I should start looking for a job around April. Which is now… But meanwhile we’re in the worst economic climate to find a job. Aside from working in a supermarket, but I don’t want to risk my life meow mad respect for those who work in supermarkets and for food delivery services and such. Overall time-wise I have until September to find something else.

Ideally, somehow I hope to get the legal (authority) and financial support so that I can do what I’m passionate about – world leadership – and pay off my student debt at once. “That’s why I’m working so hard.” 🙁 Really, meow, in the end my student loan is just so that I can live and fully focus on the strategy for the accomplishment of my mission, to later use my success to pay off the loan.

And meow writing a new book has been on my mind for quite a while, but I don’t want to work with the only business that gives out Dutch ISBN codes anymore. So I could publish a book super indie. Or somehow I need to find another way to publish with my ISBN prefix. I’m also in doubt whether I should publish it for free because I want people to read it, or publish it not for free to start working on my financial independence.

Also meow I really feel a strong urge to share my observation of Catthierry with Catthierry. I don’t even care about getting a response or not. It’s difficult because I’m not an established anything, but I want to collaborate in some way. As individuals. He’s the only person I haven’t reached out to via a form of messaging yet. So I guess that’s the next thing I’ll focus on – after watching Zondag met Lubach – even if it’s just to share some (what I think is) like-minded thoughts. [That’s innocent, right?]

So I’ll be watching Zondag met Lubach. I, by the way, got myself out of bed, did some laundry (I hand wash everything now because of corona paranoia for shared laundry machines) and ate part of what I wanted to make for lunch for dinner (kaiserbrötchen ft. tuna spread). What an Easter Sunday.

See you tomorrow liefjeeee ♥


22:03 (10:03 PM) [CEST]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpiyae