I could sell D.O.C.I.S. International as a publishing business. Marrying MoneyMan as a solution to the university related problem I’m dealing with right now was more of a joke. For it’s not a solution if it doesn’t make me happy. Marriage should be for happiness and not for solving problems. (But een lief Tishe would really make me happy, though.)

If I just say “I never want to have children” and say that all D.O.C.I.S. International needs is a printing press and a location to distribute books from, I’ll be able to distinguish myself in the market – because being able to write like this is a monopoly itself – and hopefully convince potential investors. And I won’t need a network, necessarily… Hmmm, do I need to change my nationality for this?

It’s yays that I have a better idea of how much money I need to cover my living expenses, in comparison to when I wanted to move out. In reference to “my cut” in the investment. The question now is am I going to request big money for instant scale, or instant money for lower debts and higher real profits? (Probably option 2. A well nourished zillionaireship on its way.)

I better request Belgian citizenship now that I’m still a student… πŸ˜€ I just saw that that costs €150. So regardless I can’t buy course books this month. As long as I don’t have a printing press, I have to be student.

Es always funny how much an idea of a life’s path can change within a couple of minutes after a random epiphany. Am I right?

Ahaha I like my tone.

But I just read that I can’t become Belgian, because to become Belgian one has to have lived in Belgium for 5 years. (So it’s normal to be an odd illegal-ish citizen like me, here? That’s both good and bad. Good because then it’s not illegal to live here without nationality. Bad because that’s consciously attracting refugees. Es probably something European?) Haha or I have to become dr. That would instantly give me the right to become Belgian. But that brings me straight back to my bad grades issue.

Then I must be able to do this without citizenship. And open either a second office here or end my office in the Netherlands and… No I won’t end my office there meow I’d like to have an office there so that when I’m a zillionaire I can mingle in politics.

Today will be devoted to a cost and benefits analysis of my options. Though the outcome will probably be that I need to keep studying until I’ve won the attraction rejection game with investors. I’ll also work on a new business plan. (Heyy I know what to replace the party stuff on the home page to now. πŸ˜€ )

Something I’ve learnt from the past investment proposal I’ve written is that I should instead completely evade the socioeconomic aspect of this business and go all-in on publishing. Because the socioeconomic aspect makes it a niche and nice means greater risk. We don’t want risk.

Most preferably I’d select my investors instead of the other way around. Like if Council members were my investors that would be 700% yays. That’s actually the full yay. Because I need a council for the socioeconomic aspect.

Okay meow I really need to continue cooking.

Risky kusje β™₯


01:07 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

The problem is that I want to keep this organization private, though. It can really only be a members only investment. But people don’t fill out my online forms. I am doomed. πŸ™


Plus in the end a network is always a problem because people useful to my network always avoid me. πŸ™

Super doomed. πŸ™ I’m not going to be stripping meow. That means jump is only option. πŸ™

I’d like to try a bank, though.

With a lil investment I could go back to the open university on the side. But Dienst Uitvoering Onderwijs says that that’s HBO level and not university level. πŸ™

On the real though business people always avoid me. Is it because colored women are seen as instant child support request? πŸ™ I don’t want a family life, even if someone would hold a gun to my head, so I’m even less individual risk than a standard male. πŸ™

And meanwhile this is world wide free entertainment – because in this 9-5 world in the end all people want is something to talk about – so how are you going to act like you don’t know about this in this situation?

I’ll still write a new business plan. Don’t know why, though. But it will be branded on the home page with “Help keeping D.O.C.I.S. International a Private Business” as headline.

Meanwhile I’ve washed 2 pans for veggies. Meat is waiting to be fried while bacteria have fun with it in the open air. Need to time veggies (mashed potatoes with spinach, actually) with finishing frying.


01:33 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

I just thought of a way better something to do business with investors/investment organizations for. Es the financial aspect of D.O.C.I.S. International, as a service. Which can grow out into the Fangia et cetera. I can’t share the idea here yet, because people are gonna steal it meow it’s a financial service concept that doesn’t exist yet.

Risky kusjesss * wink wink * (the business is actually basically risk free because it doesn’t cost anything to start it and it ends up keeping a lottt. With the approaching financial crisis, you’re going to want in on this.)


01:43 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

Should have boiled potatoes first and then spiced up meat. Mweh my mind is all over the place now that I need to do some serious re-orientation after having to pass basically everything this semester. I didn’t know that I settle this with resits. And deep down I’d rather not focus on school stuff anyway.

By restructuring D.O.C.I.S. International, the investment proposal is basically one for 3 separate businesses.

Problem es how tf am I going to do this without a network. Under nooo circumstances will I ask my family in on this.

Finally, I can start frying my meat. Veggies are almost done.

Financially risk free kusjeee


01:59 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

By the way, random topic, isn’t the campaigning for the 2020 elections a bit like watching Lilo and Stitch Part 600? After Trump, there’s nothing more juicy. And I see none of them manage a financial crisis.


02:03 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

I shouldn’t be eating this medium-rare, but I am.

Best midnight snack ever damnnn.

I’ll request one rather small than big bulk of finance for the 3 components as a whole. The publishing and media business will be called Versax. Hmm I’d like an international TV channel with that. But 0 network and 100 avoidance of me. πŸ™

“Keep D.O.C.I.S. International alive and growing” is what I’ll put on the home page. Though that insinuates so much “troubled business”. But es truth. This is a life or death situation. Especially because I’d rather die than live a family life. The black female drops out and gets pregnant stereotype really has to end because it’s causing more risk than being a female is risk.

I’ll be enjoying the rest of my meal.


02:25 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

Haha what. I just got an e-mail stating that Amazon accidentally sent a KDP Select Global Fund e-mail in Dutch. Haha how is an entire e-mail first sent in English then sent in Dutch by accident? (I often do “mark all as read” and hadn’t even noticed.) This is an interesting situation.

What also is an interesting situation is that het Centraal Boekhuis will end my contract with them, soon. What does that mean to the money they might owe me? They kept asking for details about book distribution (like a warehouse) and I didn’t have one. What if they considered that misconfiguration and kept my revenue?
For the money I owe them, I assume that won’t change and will likely get worse.

Also, they have a monopoly on a Dutch ISBNs. If I’m not with them anymore, do I keep my ISBN publisher’s prefix? Aside from “getting instant access to all high segment stores” (if one has a warehouse, turns out), what is the point of me working with them, once I get my own printing press? Meow then my own store will have far more attractive pricing, quicker shipping and very exclusive books.

Fucking headache. πŸ™ *cats you*


02:37 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

I could do working with regular investors, given that I pay them back asap and there’s no “forever dividend” component to it. I mean some regular investors could surely be Fangyists, but definitely not all of them. I need to make sure that D.O.C.I.S. International is 100% Fangyists only. That is not a niche because we’re with many. When I’m not ghosted anymore.

The main reason I scare off people is the way I go about sharing personal things. I either say nothing at all or I say too much.
When I say nothing it’s because I think you won’t understand or it’s because I worry about scaring you off. When I say too much it’s either because you’re surveillancing me or because I want you to see that I’m definite one-of-a-kind and need your help.

Yupp regular investment it will be. I feel like recording a video for this. But that will probably be discouraging for investors. No one watches my videos and it’s such an uncommon way to present a business. πŸ™

Though on the other hand, a pitch video can never go wrong. Sort of… The thing with this is that investing can go directly via me if one would dare to fill out a form on my website and acknowledge seeing this. But I can’t count on that happening, because it never has. So I’ll have to settle for a middle man with financial transfer safety guarantee and good SEO rankings. But I’d rather do this more independently.

Hehe I could do the pitch in at least 3 languages. Minimally English, Dutch and German. Perhaps also French. But why 3 if es not even working in 1. Like how will that scale acknowledge that they already know about my existence.

Plus I’d have to delete more old videos from my laptop and SD if I do. Maybe I could zip the files.

Hey I’m going to do this 100% independently. I’ll make a “pitch interview” video with a fundraiser button underneath it. But I won’t online market it because who likes online marketing. Tell a friend. πŸ˜€ When es here.

Meow I’ll be working on the new official business plan. I’m not tired. Hoping to fix my awkward front page soon (not tonight). After, I’ll be resting.

*cats you* β™₯


03:50 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

The outline for my 2020 business plan is finished. I can’t fully break it down yet, because then I’ll never catch rest before sunrise. But I can tell you this:

We all know that investing is all about the right timing. You might know that the Fangia will be a currency that will exist together with the non-crypto currencies that presently exist. A parallel currency, of value only within D.O.C.I.S. International.

D.O.C.I.S. International is likey the only business/body/bank that doesn’t work with multipliers, interest and all that. That might sound unappealing if you get aroused by the way the financial system is presently functioning.
What you invest in D.O.C.I.S. International is exactly what you own the right to. Nothing more, nothing less. The value of your investment is determined in the following way:

1 Fangia = 7 x 1 USD on 2020/02/14, by the numbers on this page: https://www.xe.com/currencytables/?from=USD&date=2020-02-14

So, no matter if you buy Fangia on Feb 16, 2020 or Dec 25, 2035, 1 Fangia is always equal to 7 USD on Feb 14, 2020. A.k.a. may forex and inflation be in your favor.

Kusje β™₯


06:21 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

Heys β™₯

I couldn’t sleep so I’m just going to get started with the crazy amount of tasks I’ve given myself for today.

In order, that is:

– Breakfast
– Laundry pt. 1 (washing machine)

– Trash

– Washing my hair and wig

– Laundry pt. 2 (dryer)

– Taming my hair

– Dishes

– Writing business plan

– Dinner

– Writing business plan/editing home page/making video

I don’t know my actual pace, but I’ll definitely not run out of tasks. I use this page for when I zone out and have to remind myself of what I was doing.

Hope you’ll have a nice Saturday. πŸ™‚


P.S. Stock markets close on Friday and open on Monday, right?

P.P.S. Forget what I said about some web page I don’t own displaying the values my business will use. I will provide my own currency table and converter. (Hopefully those will also be the words of the IT people who will sign up for this.)

P.P.P.S. Oh wow I just spotted 20 kanker euro transfered to me from my parents. With “happy Valentine’s Day”. I could overfeed myself with carbohydrates from this and sort of survive. But I decided to send it back. I hate financially depending on them. I’m going to stop taking money from them. Might apply for A JOB AT GOD DAMN MCDONALD’S later today. Can’t wait until I can kill you all.

09:49 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

Though I am for real, if you are a powerless Fangyist who would have interfered in this absurd situation if you weren’t stopped by some reason I do not fucking understand at all, I apologize for my temper. I’m just a little fed up by the fact that I’m living in a level of poverty that would be considered illegal. And my parents know.

That they send me €20 for Valentine’s Day is just another way of saying how fucking much they hate me more than anything else in this fucking world.
€20 is not a bad transfer in any situation. I mean if I’ve ever sent you €20 because you’ve asked me for financial support, know that those were likely my last euros for the month and 10% if not more of my monthly income back in the day. In this situation where I’m like “fucking keep your money”, it is because my bank account has said -€500 since I was 18 and €20 is less than 1% of what the happy couple makes. Plus they likely use my “schizophrenic” name to cover up their remaining fucking fraud shit, without telling me. There’s so much they are not telling me. I find that I have the right to be pissed. Can’t wait to make a video. I hope that I’ll get to that.

Seriously, what the fuck goes through your mind when you know I can only afford to eat dinner and no other meals in a day, I have been starving for days, and when I’m almost getting paid, you decide to give me €20? Usually I keep it, because I really need it. But I’m getting more attracted to more ways in which I can say “fuck you I can’t wait until you’re fucking dead stelletje kanker idioten”. Go spend another €50 on a fucking snack.

10:41 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

Taken some toxicity off of my wall. As far as I could without soaking it and scrubbing the paint away. Only the study planner is left for the sort of mediocre attempt my brain wants to fling at this second semester. I’ll be using the wall for my business plan video. πŸ™‚

Just ate a scrambled egg with yesterday’s left over mashed potatoes.


11:21 (AM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

Meow I love presents. πŸ˜€

Jeetje wat ontzettend lief. It’s so thoughtful. :'( I used to be so addicted to spekjes when I was little. And I love bruisballen meow when I’d use one in the bath tub as a kid it always felt like a waste because I just love them so much. I feel so sorry for my misdirected frustration. πŸ™ She is the only person fighting for me and letting me know. I’m afraid to trust her because she has been siding with her husband. But the man is fucking insane so why could I not just see it like that. πŸ™

My mother may be my assistant. Mr. Elia, my legal father, is the reason why I am starving and doing all of this without any investments. Meanwhile he is filling his pockets.

I found the package when I was downstairs to throw away trash. I wonder if they didn’t ring the doorbell because I write everything down on my blog because receiving packages are one of the few things that happen in my boring life I can write about to my future self. Es fascinating that packages here can lay at the entrance without being stolen.

Ahw I will be drinking tea yay. πŸ˜€


12:05 (PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

What has been on my in-my-mind-not-my-diary shopping list for quite some time is tennis balls so I can wash my sheets and jackets. But money. πŸ™ Ugh sure it’s my “choice” to be broke.

Haven’t drunken tea yet because I need to put laundry away first and I was partially storing for potential later use partially throwing away the confetti from my sweet gift box. Then sorted laundry in black and colorful.

Such sweet yays


12:47 (PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

Lol what by the way my mother could be a solid Senator Ab-actis if not more, by the way. Es lol because my mind was on a different path not so long ago. Just lol for 3 years if not more.

I’m untying my afro twists now. From the way my eyes are falling shut I see I might have given myself too many tasks for today. Though I’ve ~ bonus task ~ vaccum cleaned before I started doing that. Now I can walk around on my bare feet with less worry about stepping in glass. Yays. πŸ™‚

13:53 (01:53 PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerpen

I don’t know if I’m too quick to forgive/pretend like it all doesn’t matter, or holding grudges (for the wrong reasons). I have no clue. And no outside view perspective in this situation.

What for now is too uncommon in society anywhere – I most often speak on society anywhere and not local society – is having someone in your life fucking up and hurting you for the zillionth time, and you then parting from that person forever. Because in the end you know that somewhere down the line things will be heated again, and we do not like heated situations, unless it’s from intense expressions of love.

For me, personally, I’ve been alone for so long that things must be clear now. In the sense that I think I could start with a socially 100% clean slate forever distancing myself from my social past. But I don’t know. Especially about my mother and drafted Senators I don’t know.

I tell myself not to think about it, though, because thinking about it won’t give me an answer and I have the greatest anxiety for starting conversations. So I shouldn’t and don’t.

Meows I let my black and colored laundry run. Put it in the dryer about an hour ago and then put white and more colored laundry in the washing machines. I’ll almost be laundry free after this. πŸ˜€

Inside out pillow cover is what I allow myself to sleep on unshowered with unwashed untangled hair πŸ™

Will still have to cover the sheet for my mattress. Then take laundry out dryer and put washer laundry into dryer. Then nap. I’m hungry, also. πŸ™ I should postpone business stuff to tomorrow but problem es I basically want to give this until 00:00 AM on Monday. Otherwise I’m sure I drop myself off this building without any regrets.

Kusje? πŸ™ (Es with risk because I have a little cold.)


P.S. I can’t seem to find out what “VER” on my report card means. Verzuim?

15:23 (03:23 PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

Do I deserve more? People always tell me I don’t. So my heart hurts when I say I do.

But meow it warms my heart that I always give my all to give myself the best (when no one else does). It’s only half past 4 and I’ve already done most of the tasks I’ve been postponing for I don’t even know how long. So I’ll allow myself to postpone doing the dishes to tomorrow. πŸ™‚

I’ve used my last 2 eggs to scramble this

Plate also functioned as cutting board because plate was clean and cutting boards have to be washed so efficiencyay for this tired meow.

So when my other laundry is done I can nap without a timer, make dinner and spend my remaining energy on business stuff. I will likely still upload the video tomorrow, though.

Ha meow there was someone else with laundry in the washing machines when I came to put my first batch into the dryer, so I decided to cram everything into one out of two machines. Most of my stuff is half dry now, by choice. My apartment has become one big drying rack meow es quite yays. Panties hanging on plenty door handles ahahaahaha.

Hopefully the batch of laundry that will be done in 10 minutes – again 2 washing machine laundry into 1 dryer (I don’t know why the colors of my clothing stay semi-ok) – will be fully dry though because I have no more space to hang other stuff to dry. Ha the previous batch included the rug that is on my couch.

Look at me typing about light irrelevant bullshit to avoid the serious topics even my mind would rather not think of right now. I really need this nap.

I’d rather be spontaneously approached by people who are yays to me than stress my brain over web shit again. Just in case you have nothing to do and would like to grab dinner. That offer is aaalwaaaaaaays open. If you’re yays. You may say you’re yays because you’re yays. When you’re yays. You know who you are. πŸ˜€


16:49 (04:49 PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

When I switched it on it said 55 min. I wanted to take it out but it said 1 h 22 min? I’ll be napping. Hoping my stuff won’t shrink haha for real. I can’t cover spontaneous clothing loss or phone break. I can’t even get a new bank card if I’d lose mine. (I’ve never been so careful with it haha. (And I still often keep it in my pocket.))


16:49 (04:49 PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp

Quick low-carb yaymeal

I overslept for laundry. Then took it out and cooked a quick dinner.

A random thought about adulthood that just popped up in my mind is that I think one is either born as an adult or will never be an adult. All present generations consist of mental adults and mental children. I’m not a child. This is not targeted at children. I just use childish language to soften the way I try to justify mass murder.

Business tasks will be postponed to tomorrow because I can barely keep my eyes open right now. And today I’d rush it. Tomorrow, aside from dishes and folding laundry, it will be all I’ll spend my time on.

How am I living life so casually right nowΒΏ It feels like it was a month ago standing on the rooftop of this building, having For What it’s Worth on repeat, flinging one leg over the fence bars, thinking “Once I put my other leg over this, it all ends,” followed by doubt. Right now I wonder why the fuck I was in doubt. But I guess one last video will make me more at peace when I end this all. Coming Monday 00:00 AM.

It feels odd that I have seen no sign of life from Tishe in so long. πŸ™

Good night x

20:41 (08:41 PM) [CET]; Kievitwijk, Antwerp